For a long long time, I’ve gone through a period of feeling creatively burned out and disconnected from my inner self… The little part of me, that no matter how hard I try, seems to run farther and farther away. Perhaps I’ve scared it away with my doings, worries, thoughts, insecurities, fears and silly beliefs. Every now and then I find myself reminiscing about the “good ol’ days” of my youth when I truly lived and embraced every tiny moment, whether it be of laughter or tears, when I was fearlessly following my heart, when I felt things deeply and lived freely.

Every now and then I find myself looking through old writings, old letters, old photographs, old songs, old memories…. Because in them I find a little comfort and peace during times of uncertainty and emptiness. Because deep down I know I’ve always longed for that little part of me, my inner child, my inner artist… I have always longed to set it free. And now I am finally setting it free… I hope.

Yesterday, after long stressful days of writing reports and assessments, I watched Perfect Days, a movie that Linh recommended. The movie is the perfect message of reassurance for me right at this time. I know Linh felt the same when she said “it’s such a comfort, isn’t?”.

Today, as I lay on the grass reading Compassion in Action, I felt a deep sense of love and connection. For the first time in my life, I could feel the presence of the spirit in everything I see and touch. I realized that not only living things or the things I love but all things have a soul or spirit. They are all my friends – the trees, the flowers, the clouds, the sand, the rocks, the traffic light, the moon, the sky, the shadows of the night, and the ocean.

Tonight, I received an email that perhaps wanted to test my “readiness” and what I have learned from reading Compassion in Action. I know it was not a coincidence. But should I just go with the flow? I’m not sure yet… :<

(2024.04.14)